Andrea Lambert South.
By Arzu Maharramova
We had a chance to have an interview with such an interesting lady - Andrea Lambert South. What is intriguing about her is that one of her main research areas is ‘death studies’ which is nowadays you cannot see this topic in many people’s career path. She is also a family mediator and was a guest lecturer at MUNI FSS.
So, let's read interesting facts and stories of her life from her own lips.
- What motivated you to become a family mediator and why death studies especially is in your research area?
After I got my Ph.D., I got my job at Northern Kentucky University, and someone in my department suggested doing a mediation training and after doing it I fell in love with it. Not everybody loves mediation because it's tough, especially family mediation because people are so emotional. My expertise uses family communication, and I feel like I can bring that expertise into disputes to help people have better lives, or at least not burn their houses down trying to get a divorce.
All of my research career has been studying things considered dark. In communication, we usually focus on positive things, but I find the dark more interesting. Death is something we're all afraid of, but there's always light that could be brought to the dark, and that motivates and interests me.
2. Can you share a unique or heartwarming or terrifying story from your practice with clients that left a lasting impression on you? it can be from a family therapy or death cases you were working on?
I became a lawyer a couple of years ago, It's not a heartwarming but a kind of a funny story, I had a client that purposely excluded their child in their will. I wanted to ask “what happened in your life that you made this decision?” It's not scary or funny, but it's the everyday mundane events in families that lead to decisions like leaving someone out of a will, and we should talk about it.
3. How do you make your clients to "accept" the death? Do you have any kind of method? For example, religious people believe that there is an afterlife so it makes them a bit less worried about it. How about you? How do you accept it or how do you help your clients to accept that they will die one day and this is inescapable?
The work I do is called "Death over Dinner," where we get family and friends together to talk about end-of-life wishes. Conversations build trust, and in the US, people often talk about the spiritual aspect, like being okay with dying because they'll go to be with God. I chose the Czech Republic to study this aspect due to its lower religious affiliation. I haven't finished the research, but I suspect that even non-religious people believe in something in the universe.
4. Have you ever had some kind of judging in your life for the areas you chose to work on?
Yes, probably, but I usually respond with humor. Most people are curious and interested in discussing these topics because they don't feel comfortable talking to others.
5. Can you share a quote, or a piece of advice that has had a lasting impact on your career and life?
My mentor said, "Pain is pain." When people share their painful stories, comparing or belittling doesn't help. Also, "Hurt people hurt people." Understanding that someone's negative actions may stem from their own pain helps in reframing and dealing with the situation.
6. Can you share some information about your article "Communicating death with humor"?
This was from the same project about talking about death. People use humor to reduce tension, especially in difficult conversations. They joke about future relationships or their own funeral preferences. Using humor in these conversations makes them more positive, and people feel closer and plan to act on their wishes.
7. Do you have any message for our students?
I wish I could inject more self-confidence into you. You are fascinating! Your stories and perspectives matter. Embrace your uniqueness. Your stories are valuable, and we want to know more about you!
We thank Andrea Lambert South for making time to give this interview to us. And additionally, we have a podcast version of this interview which includes more small talks on our Spotify channel. Do not forget to listen and subscribe our Spotify Channel FSS Lounge!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6vlrkZxW2uHlvLuaOTrv7P?si=e5f998d994ce4678